November 29, 2020

BRAKING MUSE: Uproar Ensues after Heard County cancels Solar Eclipse

(Franklin, GA) — A group of citizens are upset today following a decision by local authorities to cancel Monday’s solar eclipse in Heard County.

The ordinance banning Monday’s eclipse passed by a margin of 6-2 with one abstention at an emergency called meeting late Saturday evening at the Heard County Courthouse.

Voting at the meeting were head officials from Heard County, the Heard County School System, City of Franklin, City of Ephesus, Town of Centralhatchee, Development Authority and Heard County Public Safety.

Heard County BOC Chairman Lee Boone says the decision to not allow the eclipse in Heard County was not an easy one and many factors were discussed at the meeting Saturday night.

“When we first heard about this solar eclipse, I thought it might mean extra tourism and as a result perhaps a big boon to our local economy, so we had initially planned to allow it,” said Boone at the meeting. “With all these rains we’ve been getting we need all the dollars we can get right now to cut the grass on our county roads. It’s been one of our biggest complaints over the last several weeks.”

Boone says, however, that after further investigation and consulting with some of the experts, the planned solar eclipse that most other communities around the state will be allowing may not be as beneficial as originally believed.

Heard County Officials voted No to Monday’s Eclipse in an emergency meeting Saturday night in Franklin

“Although I was in favor of this eclipse initially — after looking into it more — I have decided that other factors, primarily public safety and lack of public awareness to the dangers, must be considered,” said Boone.

“It might be different if we had broadband internet throughout the county in order to warn people– but as of now we don’t and there’s just know way to get word to many of our folks in areas like Glenn,” the Chairman stated. “As a result, myself and the Board of Commissioners decided to call this emergency meeting and work together to make the right call. We just wanted it to be fair so we allowed each official and each public entity a vote.”

Franklin Police Chief Kevin Hannah, speaking on behalf of the public safety leadership, says the nature of the eclipse would have made it tough for local officers and medical personnel to control.

“After talking with Chief Wirth, Sheriff Henry and a couple of eye doctors extensively today, we think this is the right call,” said Hannah in a press release issued just minutes after the emergency meeting concluded. “We are a very small community, and we just don’t have the resources or the manpower to handle such a large-scale event and keep all of our citizens safe.”

Heard County Fire Chief Steve Wirth echoed the sentiments of Chief Hannah.

“We have about 12,000 people in the county. Studies have made it clear to us that people can suffer serious damage to their eyesight by looking at a solar eclipse and while most should know better, many may not because of our lack of county-wide broadband,” said Chief Wirth at the meeting.

“We could have a lot of people looking at the eclipse without knowing the dangers and we just wouldn’t be able to get to all of them fast enough. If we allow this eclipse, hundreds in our community could lose their sight.”

Kathy Knowles, executive director of the Heard County Development Authority, voted against the eclipse but says it wasn’t an easy call.

“We want to bring new industry into the county and boost local tourism — that’s why we have new ready-to-build-on sites in our industrial park. But at the same time, we don’t want to risk public safety during that process and we really can’t afford those hours without the sunlight that fuels our solar panels at the industrial park,” said Knowles. “The bottom line is we want our local residents to maintain their valuable eyesight so they can enjoy the fireworks at next year’s Summerfest — that’s important to us.”

The City of Ephesus agreed with the ban and also voted no to the eclipse.

“Agriculture is so important in our community that we just can’t take this risk,” said Ephesus Mayor Denney Rogers at the meeting.

“There were so many factors we couldn’t control with this eclipse. Maybe we should just leave these bigger events to the larger communities like Roopville and Whitesburg. Our crops need all the sun they can get right now after all these rains and who even knows how the chickens in all of our chicken houses would have reacted. Would we have roosters crowing at 3:30 PM? We just don’t know,” added the Ephesus Mayor.

The only two entities voting in favor of allowing the solar eclipse were the Heard County School System and the Town of Centralhatchee.

Heard County superintendent Rodney Kay thinks we may be missing out on an educational opportunity for our children.

“We were totally prepared for this rare solar eclipse and had safety glasses available for all our students at each of our schools,” said Kay Sunday morning. “We were planning a Baby Braves reunion at the city park Monday afternoon and were going to take advantage of the temporary darkness to show our Baby Braves the important children’s educational movie ‘Friday Night Lights’ on an outdoor screen — but I guess that just won’t come to fruition now. These little guys and gals go to bed real early and we thought this darkness during the day was a perfect chance that just may not come along again in our lifetime.”

These solar eclipse viewing glasses designed by Nicole Neighbors will be of no use to her mom’s Pre-K class tomorrow after the solar eclipse was banned by local officials

Some teachers throughout the county were upset by the decision after weeks of preparing for the eclipse.

“My daughter worked so hard to make some really cute viewing glasses for my Pre-K class and now that the eclipse has been cancelled, her hard work is just thrown out the window,” said Heard Elementary teacher Tara Neighbors. “I think my little Turtles would have really enjoyed the eclipse.”

The Town of Centralhatchee also voted yes to the eclipse.

“The other communities may not be able to handle events such as this eclipse, but Centralhatchee is ready to grow and prosper. We just opened a new city hall and our city park is clearly the best place to hold events like this,” said Mayor Barbie Crockett.

“We were expecting a big jump in park attendance during the eclipse and Centralhatchee First Baptist had already prepared 500 cupcakes and fresh lemonade for those that would be attending, added Crockett. “We are thankful for their efforts and will be making sure those refreshments don’t go to waste by donating them to our Blue Ribbon Elementary School for an impromtpu Field Day this Monday for the kids.”

Centralhatchee councilman Emmett Jackson didn’t comment at the meeting but did have some remarks posted on his facebook page late Saturday night.

“I think this decision was made long before tonight,” said Jackson in the post. “A certain group of people in this county are never going to allow the growth and the prosperity we need. We just drew well over 30 people to our big Pickin’ in the Park event earlier this summer and I think with proper promotion of ‘Eclipsin’ in the Park’ we could have easily doubled or possibly even tripled that figure. I guess now we’ll just never know.”

Heard County Brave football coach Tim Barron says Monday will be business as usual at Staples Stadiums.

“Eclipse or no eclipse, we can’t afford any outside distractions this week,” said Barron this morning. “Our coaching staff and our boys are just focused on preparing for our big ESPNU game versus Saraland, AL at 3:30 PM this Saturday. They have over 160 very talented players on their roster and our 37 mostly young freshman and sophomore kids have got to be ready to be physical if we are going to have any chance of getting that win.”

Mayor Joel Rogers abstained from the vote on behalf of the City of Franklin saying he thinks more research needs to be done before making a decision. “We are not interested in making a hasty decision on this,” said the Franklin Mayor. “I am putting this eclipse on the agenda for our next city council meeting in September and we will discuss it. After that discussion, the council will vote via paper ballot and we will count those votes one time to be sure we get it right. “ publisher/editor Russ Massa says he has received numerous inquiries and complaints about the eclipse, but declined to comment on the eclipse situation personally.

“The Heard Citizen tries to stay as fair and as unbiased as possible and we just want report all sides of this story to the community,” said Massa today. “We take the hard news very seriously, therefore I hope you understand that I just can’t comment about it publicly at this time. I can, however, let you know I will be releasing a public statement about this whole ‘eclipse controversy’ on April 1 of next year.”


DISCLAIMER: The MUSE BrAKe may include information from sources that may or may not be reliable and facts that don’t necessarily exist. All articles should be considered satirical and any and all quotes attributed to actual people complete and total nonsense. Pictures that represent actual people should be considered altered and not in any way real. The MUSE BrAKe does not reflect the views or opinions of The Heard Citizen, its staff, or its sponsors, and is intended for entertainment purposes only. 


  1. Barbara White says

    As a once long time resident of Centralhatchee,I believe the decision that was made to not have the Enclosed in Heard County,was indeed in the best interest of all it’s residents city and county wide.After all people are more important than money!IJS

  2. Emmett Jackson says

    The main objection voiced at the meeting was that” it would be getting dark and we all know bad things happen in the dark”

  3. All I have to say is. The solar eclipse is happening reguardless of what anyone on earth wants. You can’t “bann” it. the fact that this was even voted on was ignorant to say the least. Broad bans internet is in fact almost everywhere. If you read about the eclipse or knew about it at all states that you where in some form up to date via some kind of media. The schools onservation and study of this eclipse is intended to inform young children and adults of the wonder and danger of said eclipse. So by all means pleas do continue to spread the ignorance of society by banning the study and observation of this seamingly once in a life time chance.

  4. Hazel Reeves says

    I think Mayor Rogers is very wise for thinking of all the chickens around here.

  5. How stupid can these people be

  6. Just making sure you guys know that this is a joke article. Read the disclaimer at the bottom. It’s just for entertainment.

  7. Dawn Newborn-Cook says

    Seriously! This is SO STUPID! Makes us look like idiots. YOu can not control what people do.

  8. Anon Ymous says

    Only in Heard County!!!!!!!

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