April 25, 2018

Bye Bye Baby Maker

[jessica]As soon as I was pregnant with my 4th child Toby, I knew that would be the last. I always wanted a big family, and my husband said he wanted 2 or 4 kids.

After our 3rd child Peyton was born we actually considered being done, and had pretty much decided daddy would go in to get “fixed”.

When Peyton was only 5 months old I found out I was pregnant again. We were pretty freaked out to be honest since we had decided to be done, and because of how close they would be in age and thinking about our finances.

We thought we were being careful but obviously not careful enough. I panicked a bit, but in my heart was excited to have another baby.

I had faith that everything would work out. When I was almost 12 weeks along I lost that baby. This was not the first miscarriage I had been through, but was further along this time and it was terribly painful physically and emotionally.

I had some major guilt that I had wished that baby away with all my worrying. Obviously I know that is ridiculous, but at the time it was very difficult for me.

This turn of events made my husband and I realize we did want to have one more baby. We had both become attached to the thought of having 4 kids so we held off on any permanent birth control. So when Peyton was 15 months old I found out I was pregnant again.

This pregnancy felt different because I knew we would be done after this baby so nothing felt rushed at all. I just really enjoyed it and enjoyed watching my other 3 kids get excited about a baby in mommy’s tummy.

Physically it was rough I think mostly because of having my babies so close together. When we found out it was another boy that was fine with me. I was a little sad for my daughter because she was very vocal about wanting a sister. She has since gotten over it; in fact she loves being the only princess just like I told her she would.

By babies never like to come out and my blood pressure likes to go up near the end of my pregnancies. I was once again induced right around my due date.

After 11 hours of being induced, everyone was realizing something wasn’t quite right since it should not be taking that long on baby number 4. After a final check by the nurse it was discovered my little Toby Gene was breech.

I have had the same doctor for all my pregnancies and I really love her. I am not sure how she missed this but whatever it happens!

Needless to say things got urgent and within 45 minutes they had him out by c-section. My doctor knew that I had said this would be my last baby, so she asked if I wanted her to tie my tubes. It literally cost an extra $27 for me to have that done, opposed to the $3000 it would have been for my husband to go in.

I am still not quite sure how he got so lucky, and sometimes I think he looks at my c-section scar and thanks God a little!

It felt sad for a while after having Toby that I would never experience pregnancy or a newborn again. Toby is 18 months old now, and with every passing stage and every first that he conquers it is bittersweet.

I feel at peace about being done, because I love having my energy back. It is nice to be able to get on the floor and really play with my kids without a huge stomach in front of me.

Bottles are gone, rattles are gone, burp rags are gone…first shoes have been bought, first words have been said, and I have had the heart-breaking task of telling him no-no already!

I think I am beginning to understand why the youngest in families gets “the baby” complex. It is nothing Toby does or doesn’t do it is all momma’s fault. My husband keeps shaking his head at me every time I let Toby get away with something and I just say “but he’s my last baby”!

There is nothing in life better than a good baby snuggle but I am excited for this next chapter in my life as I move past being a baby maker!

Comments

  1. Thank you Jessica for sharing your candid perspective on this topic. It’s wonderful to hear a REAL couple’s thoughts/ feelings. I firmly believe that God knows when the time is right. I waited for my precious Carter for eight years. I think about Carter having a sister or brother every time I see a sweet little baby. I am scared to relive the very difficult pregnancy I endured. However, my sweet little boy was worth it. I feel like the clock is ticking.

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