The best time of the year to shop is Black Friday. People line up around stores and wrap around the building for the biggest and best sales.
When shopping during this time, you have to make sure that you get the best deals and I am here to show you how to do just that without getting stampeded by a horde of angry soccer moms.
To get there first, camp out! If you are not sitting on the sidewalk at least three days before, you are obviously not trying. Bring a tent, a portable DVD player, and the entire Twilight collection.
Also, try and build a campfire to keep yourself warm. If you have to use the bathroom, use nature’s bathroom, trees. In case, by some freak accident, you are in the very back of the line, just push through people screaming “Emergency” until you reach the front.
Once you get in the store, act calmly while you get the things you need and proceed to checkout in an orderly manner.
Now that you have gotten in, you have to figure out a way to get the best deals. If you see that a person is going to get the last item of what you want, tell them that a fight broke out and when they look away, grab it. If that does not work and you are forced to wait in line, start rumors that will freak people out.
You could start sneezing and coughing loudly while explaining that you have a bad case of the plague or pretend that Justin Bieber just ran to the opposite side of the building.
One of my favorite ways to get in the front of a long line is to pretend that you lost your contact, and then proceed to crawl to the front of the line and then scream “found it!”
You should then ask the person behind you if you could politely go in front of them, who could say no to that? The two best ways to get to the front of the line are to pretend that you have to throw up or make up a sob story and make people feel sorry for you so they will have to let you skip to the front of the line.
For example, you could say “I’m buying this purse for my niece because she doesn’t have parents and was raised by wolves.”
If you do not feel like waiting in long lines and are more daring, you could go with this option: when a person has a shopping cart with what you want in it, take the item from the cart and run as fast as you when they are not looking.
Now that you know how to successfully snag excellent prices this Black Friday, there is one last bit of advice I am going to impart on you. Protect yourself. Wear a helmet, carry some type of crude weapon, or find a cloak of invisibility to ensure your safety.
Make sure that you fill up on all of the good Thanksgiving food the day before so that you have plenty of energy to shop all day the next day. Most importantly, be safe and happy shopping.