November 29, 2020

The Princess and the 3 Peas: Mother’s Day

[jessica]Well first of all it seems like forever since I have been at my keyboard with my cup of coffee ready to type! It has only been a month but I sure did miss it. April was a crazy busy month at my house, but I am back and ready to blog!

With Mother’s Day being this weekend, and the fact that I have been feeling very maternal lately, my topic is quite simply a mother’s love. So I want to take you back to May 16th, 2004 when I had my first child, my precious princess, my only daughter.

After 21 hours of induced, no epidural labor, you wouldn’t think one tiny moment happening just seconds after being in so much pain would change my heart forever but it did. When that nurse laid Lana on my chest and her eyes were looking into mine, I knew I would never be the same again.

She felt so heavy on my tired body, okay she was nine pounds so she actually was heavy! But seriously that pressure on my chest, as my heart filled with love for her is a feeling that rarely goes away. What I mean is that not a day goes by when I don’t look at her and feel that tight chest feeling that comes from the intense love I have for her.

This feeling happened again three more times as each of my sons were born. Sometimes when I look at all four of them together I think my heart might burst! I am a very sensitive person, and I am very emotional, so I know not all mothers feel quite so maternal as I do.

I never wanted to go to college and have a high paying job. All I ever wanted to do was get married and be a mom. So for me whenever I look at my family I see my dream come true. Of course there are bad days when my tight chest comes from screaming at them all day, but there has never been a morning after one of those days when I wasn’t ready to do it all again.

And believe it or not there are certain moments when my protective motherly love gets even stronger. For example, when my kids get sick or physically hurt my heart literally aches for them.

I would gladly take the sickness and/or the owies from them and give them to myself if I could. Now sure part of that is selfish, cause let’s face it kids are a lot of work already, and then you add being uncomfortable to that and no one is happy!

I will never forget when I let Lana fall off our queen size bed. She hadn’t been mobile up to that point so I had set her on the middle of the bed for just a moment. I was across the room and watched her tip right off onto the floor. There wasn’t any blood just a little rug mark on her forehead.

She cried hard and I cried harder. Time stopped as she was falling off that bed, and I would have given anything at that moment to be able to fly across that room and protect her. I have had many more of those moments in the last eight years. I hate every fall, every bruise, every cut, every physically painful thing my kids go through.

If you ask me they have you pick up your baby after getting immunizations cause they know the mommy needs the comforting just as much as the child. I realize I can’t protect them from these natural things that happen during childhood, but it is just my way of explaining the kind of love I have for them.

My husband and I have discussed that we would hands down go to illegal lengths if anyone ever hurt one of our children. We would carefully execute our plan so as to try and stay out of prison!

Now as far as the emotional and mental pain goes, this is when I am sure I start sounding like a crazy person! Oh the things I’d like to do to those kids that call my kids names, or exclude them from a game, or God forbid call them ugly or some other hurtful word! If I weren’t so afraid of those other kid’s mothers I would have probably taken a few down by now!

My daughter has been having a hard time with girl friends this year, and oh how it hurts my heart when with tear filled eyes she tells me no one wants to be her friend. She is a bit bossy (don’t know where she gets that) but I love that girl and so all I say to her is “their loss”! I know in time she will make close friends so for now I don’t need all the details I just need her to feel loved and accepted.

Now I watch my boys go through much more physical pain than emotional which is expected, but woe to the child that makes one of my gentlemen in training cry! I prefer to be the only one to make them cry for now thank you very much.

Oh and speaking of things I can do but others can’t, there is something I can’t stand.

And I know this is ridiculous, but it makes my blood boil when other people point out how “terrible” my kids are! I just want to scream “Hey I can talk bad about my kids but you can’t okay?!“ I have absolutely no problem admitting that my children aren’t perfect.

I am far from perfect so why would I expect that out of them anyway?! I complain about my kids and discuss their current behavior problems just as much as the next mom. I am venting when I do it, but it somehow feels like my failures are being pointed out when other people do it. It’s a pride thing I am sure, but I think that having pride in my children goes right along with the love I have for them.

This will be my 9th Mother’s Day this year, and I feel for some reason especially sentimental this year. Maybe it’s because I am a mostly stay at home mom now, or maybe it’s because I am done having babies, and I really want to embrace raising the four little miracles God blessed me with!

Whatever the reason all I know for sure is my love for them is unlike anything I could have understood until I experienced it first hand. I am now capable of loving in a way I never dreamed of. It is such an unconditional love. There is nothing that my children could do that would make me stop loving them.

I know for sure they will disappoint me and I will not always love their actions, but I will always them. They are a part of me and I am a part of them. I love to spoil them, I love to see them smile, I love hearing their laughter, I love to listen to them tell stories, and yes I am a freak and love to watch them sleep! I intend to extend more forgiveness and encouragement on my children than thought humanly possible.

My heart longs to see them happy, see them succeed, and see them love God and become the person He wants them to be. A mother’s love must certainly be a super power because it is anything but normal. I haven’t been normal since that moment I gave birth to my first baby.

In closing I would like to make one more thing very clear. I read an article the other day where an actress, that I will leave unnamed, said that her and her husband admitted to each other that they love their child more than they love each other. And yes she was being serious. I am here to say, even though some will not agree with me, that I completely disagree with that statement!

That incredible love I have been describing that I have for my children is nothing compared to the love I have for my husband! He is the man I created these children with. I would not have them in their exactness if it weren’t for him.

From the moment of birth my children had my love and I love them just the same now as when my eyes first met theirs. But my love for my husband grows stronger each day. I love him more today than I did yesterday, and can hardly wait to get to tomorrow to love him some more! I am IN love with him and OUT of that love comes my love for my children.

So Happy Mother’s Day to all the Mommas out there, and this year may you be blessed by the memory of the first time you held your little angel no matter how old they may be!!!

 

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